Friday, September 21, 2007

Polygamy part 2

About a year ago I wrote this post on polygamy. Not a long or inquisitive post, just a post asking for answers from anyone who read the blog. Well about four days ago, I check my email, and saw that I had received a comment on that post. Read below.

Polygamy is the fastest growing marriage system in BLACKamerikkka!As a Black amerikkkan who has come back to her Yoruba roots to raise 4 of my 5 children as Yorubas in language and culture I have always practiced "Positive Polygamy"since my 2nd marriage to a fellow BLACKamerikkkan.It eliminates all the lies of monogamy which is actually serial polygamy,one wife at a time,divorce every 2 years and have girlfriends thruout!Black men must be responsible for their many loves and children and positive polygamy is the answer to the Black woman's problem.Every Black woman can have a husband if she wants to with polygamy. Check us out at BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL AND BLACK POLYGAMY TO SEE HOW IT IS DONE!
Your Sister,
Yeye Akilimali Funua Olade

Now, I am not one to overly criticise this woman since I am in a very loosely based polygamous relationship myself with the Swinger. That said, I don't know how I would react to thisin a long term relationship with children. I don't know if I could share a man that I love(Swinger is just cool) with another woman equaly. I'm bothered with the idea of a man that I'm sleeping with puting the same raw dog dick into me that he had inside of another woman yesterday.

One year later and the swinger and I still use condoms, cause I don't play that.

He had the nerve to ask recently if he could put the head in, y'all know I don't play like that so the answer was no.

I know many women are willing to be in a polygamous relationship if the man is very rich.

Are there any women who would agree to be in a polygamous marriage. What about you men, would any of you enter in this type of relationship?

BTW, if any of you have cheated with someone who has a girl or boyfriend, guess what, you have been in a polygamous relationship.

I need to figure out a way to link this to the boho post


Soul said...

Beauty.. I'm sorry but some black American women are soo blinded by some silly loyalty to black men or the need to find some cultural heritage that they will do silly things and proclaim silliness.

Why isn't this woman extoiling the virtues of Polyandry?

As much as I think it's cool that people want to get more involved in Ifa and Yoruba practises, What I witnessed in the states around this was nothing short of sexist brainwashing.
THe pinnacle of a black woman's life is NOT to obtain or possesss a black man.

What a load of bullocks.

aulelia said...

soul said "THe pinnacle of a black woman's life is NOT to obtain or possesss a black man.

What a load of bullocks."

--- *applause*. i wholly agree. black girls need to make themselves happy first.

as for polygamy, my intense jealously would extinguish any possibility of polygamy even happening...unless it was behind my back!

Lola Gets said...

I think that I could handle a polygamous relationship if it were done in an Islamic manner. I also think I could handle a basic "open" relationship, too. And I dont think theres anything wrong with polygyny either, lol. But I would never say that these lifestyle options are "the answer."

At my advanced age, I think that anyone can have the type of relationship they want, as long as theyre willing to work for it.


Jezi Brown said...

i am not so sure i have an opinion about this but i would not want a polygamous relationship

But BIB did you see the guy on dlisted blog! he is HUGE!! like scary -ohh-that-hurts-huge!||||O|04oqpnn5q6n2789or6537p57n6ro32q4

Naturally Sophia said...

@aulelia- I agree on --- *applause*. i wholly agree. black girls need to make themselves happy first.

However, one man can barely deal with me as it is. I cannot imagine a man that would actually be able to have me in a relationship and someone else. There's just not enough resources in this world for that. lol!

BeautyinBaltimore said...

@ Soul- I think the need that some AA have to reconect to their roots opens many of them up to accepting and practing the not so good parts of African cultures.

@ Auriela- Black women should make themselves happy first. Unfortnaley, to many women don't do that and instead make everyone else happy first.
@ Lola- What do you mean by advance age. YOu are far from old and I think that polygamy can work well for a woman who is more of a loner and when the husband is a rich man.
@ Jezi- Girl I going over there now to check him out.
@naturally Sophia- LOL, I guess I am to simple.


I am Yoruba and like most native Yoruba citizens, can trace ancestry to Ife! Anyway, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN POLYGAMY. Yes, I understand that it happens nonetheless through extramarital affairs. However, I find it extremely unfair that men (as is Yoruba custom) are allowed to have multiple wives and children and I am yet to see a polygamous relationship that was positive for all the participants and their children. I do not think anyone can love more than one person equally!

MysTery said...

Yeah man...I just can't see myself doin that man. No sir!

Luscious Librarian said...

Luscious does not play well with others. So that is out, and personally I think polygamy is a cop out. If a woman can be faithful, so can a man. I've never cheated on anyone and have never knowingly been cheated on. I'm happily married (and I am BLACK and so is my husband) and I kind of get ticked off when folks talk about black people as if we can't hold down a monogamous relationship.

I mean really? It's not that hard. Make your partner your best friend and you won't have the free time to cheat or the need.

DreamGyrl360 said...

If you are interested in learning about polygamy, you should check out the book We Want for Our Sisters What We Want for Ourselves.

I forget the author.

Polygamy is not for everyone. For me, the Bible does NOT speak against it. (

I think those of you that are so dead-set against it, you have to let go of this Westernized train of thought that you're just going to be at a deficit if you're not the only woman in your man's life.

The thing is, most of us have to come to grips that there have been times when we have not been the only woman in our man's life. Whether you truly know, or you suspect and ignore, whether you forgive him and take him back, you have to admit that you have shared him before.

Polygamy gives him the ability to be honest with BOTH of you. It also gives both of YOU the ability to be honest with EACH OTHER.

Ironically, it stops the spread of disease -- if all parties are clean, it shouldn't matter if he stuck his "thang" in her last night or not.

I am of the opinion that naturally a man needs to have more than one woman. Those that don't get it through approval of their wives will cheat, and those who choose not to cheat are sometimes unhappy (see sexless marriages).

Me, myself, you want to know whether *I'd* do it? Sure. I love my husband; I know he loves me. I also know that I could use another woman in the house - to help cook, clean, watch the kids, be MY friend that doesn't take my time away from my husband. That's why they're called sister-wives. They are more than just the other women f-ing your husband. They are your friends and they love you, as well as him.

If everyone is truthful, if everyone is honest, where's the need for jealousy? Where's the need for insecurity? The Bible (and the Quran) says he must deal with all wives equally. So neither of you would have what the other didn't have.

Think about it. Instead of most Black Women having to "settle" because all the "Good Men" are "Taken" -- instead of them having to lower their standards...instead of them having to date already married men and thus betray their fellow black sister behind her back for an hour of diznik...instead of them having to stay sad and single because they will NOT settle, being that they're attractive, educated and a good catch themselves --
why not share a good, upstanding, intelligent, hard working man who is honest and godly and will love the both of you and care for the both of you... and your children?

You're not thinking, ladies. Our Black "Community" is dying. Alot of our men are dead, in jail, useless, shiftless negroes with the pimp-mentality. Alot of them aren't as educated as you (not their fault if you look at how the world treats them!). Why waste your time mating with such useless men when you can get the ALPHA MALE?

I'm just sayin... and when my husband is ready (he says it's too much responsibility), we will be seeking wife #2. Someone who's black, intelligent, attractive, possibly a woman who is barren (if not that's okay but there are so many single, barren women out there that men won't marry because they want a son... I've already had two kids and one is on the way). My man's not into women that are too young, we'll be looking for someone with a similar religious belief (or someone willing to convert; we will not split this household).

Open your minds, lady.

Anonymous said...

I am in apolygamist's not all it's cracked up to be. My husband takes polygamy as he can go out and do anything he wants and i should just sit @ home. Sorry it don't work that way. I am one of the two disobident wives he has out of 5. One has already called it quits and the other is in Africa and the who does everything he wants he treats her like garbage and walks all over her and parades the women thru and she just takes it all hoping to be the last one standing. Bravo to u boo.

K. Alonzo Hart said...

In my research most black women who have the most to say against the possibility of polygamy among African Ams. Are not in a marriage to start with. Or have been apart of several failed relationships that blunts their ability to be objective in their point of view. They usually come from the typically dysfunctional "black household" where the father was not present. This coupled with the fact that the mindset of the modern black american woman has become so closed minded,stubborn,and egotistical that the subject of marriage alone seems like a non issue. Polygamy has been around for centuries and is as much apart of black history and culture as black skin. BUT! Unfortunately Black American women are slowly becoming non-candidates for marriage of any kind for black men. So the issue of polygamy is almost a pointless conversation as it pertains to black American women.