Monday, March 19, 2007

Things you should never do on Public Transportation

10. Never eat or drink gross or dangerous things on the bus. No one wants to see you pick your nose much less eat it. Please don't drink super hot coffee on the bus so that when the bus makes a sudden stop you spill it on the people near you.

9. Never forget that the bus, subway and light rail are not your bathroom. Please don't apply makeup, shave, apply lotion to your legs and feet, comb or brush your hair on public transportation. I would prefer to think that you wake up that pretty in the morning(pretty damn ugly). Likewise, if you have gas please wait until you get to a bathroom before letting it flow.

8. Never change your child's diaper on the bus. I don't want to smell crap first thing in the morning.

7. Never bring a child on the bus who does have home training. No one wants to hear your child scream at the top of his lungs and cuss you out because you would not buy him an ice cream cone, candy or let him or her go over their grandmother's house.

6. Never bring on Television sets, file cabinets, large fans or air conditioners. Trust me, I seen people bring all of these things on the bus.

5. Never use one of those radio nextel phones on the bus. No one wants to hear your business. Sometimes I feel like people who use those nextel phones are pure attention whores.

4. Never come on the bus with so many bags that you have to make two trips to get all of your bags on the bus.

3. Never come on a crowed bus with a bad attitude. When you got on the bus did you not see that it was very crowed. Why would you get on a crowed bus with your new $250.00 one of a kind nikes if you did not want anyone to step on them.

2. Never tell a war story(sex tale) on the bus. As much as I like to hear and read about the sex life of other people, please don't tell your homeboy how your girlfriend gave you a world class BJ. Yes, some fool really did this before, I was soooooo very disgusted. With the exception of the man(?) and his friend, the bus was full of women.

1. Please don't masturbate on the bus. If you are a pervert please leave that part of yourself at home. I once had a dude masturbate next to me on the number 5 bus. Baltimore readers know that the number 5 bus is the sister bus of the number 8. Both are best to be avoided if possible. I was also unfortunate enough to to witness a homeless woman who had an itch that needed to be scratched. She just hiked up her skirt and started to go to work. One question, why were some of the men on the bus trying to check out homegirl plucking her violin.

13 comments:

azuka said...

It's amazing the things people do in public. The last two were quite unbelievable -- well, shame is definitely lacking in some people...

The Pussy Cat Bitch said...

Ill...thats nasty. I can't imagine why dudes would want to see a homeless chick scratch her twat. Ugh...poor you. Your poor eyes have been exposed to so many things.

afro jamaicano said...

i used to take the bus to work when iw as younger and trust me it wasnt fun (ok it was sometimes...) the bus i have to take to get down to the transfer station, is the loudest, ghetto-ist bus in the city haha. i've seen peopel walking around the bus station that just got out of jail in orange jumpsuits..and countless homeless people...

#7 i hate when people bring kids on teh bus, 9 time sout of en they are loud and annoying!!

#5 my boss uses one of the nextel fones all the time @ work!! u wont believe some of the stuff i've herd him saying!!

#2yeah there were these two crakheads ont he bus talking about their frin that had aids and how he got it (i mean gorey details)

#1 masturbation on the bus cant be avoided haha i think it's gross,disgusting, sick and hilarious, when iw as like 15 i saw someone sit across from me and masturbate for my entire ride....

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao.. people shave on the bus? wtf?lol... air conditions and tv sets?lol.. masturbatio... oh my gosh... this is another world i know nothing of!lmao...

Noni Moss said...

oh eeeewwwwwwww - poor you - those bus rides arent fun. I once had some guy come and sit beside me on an empty bus and put his hands down his pants.

As for the homeless woman - i dont know if that's nasty or just sad.

Blu Jewel said...

i'm so glad i no longer use public trans and the few times i do, trust and believe i don't like it. in addition, i'd certainly not hold my tongue if i saw any of the people you mentioned.

yankeenaijachick said...

Damn girl, that was hilarious. l use the bus/metro and l have experienced a couple of them especially the phone thingy. love ya girl.

Beyond said...

hey, really love your blog, been reading your post all day long. i think you need to close your eyes sometimes cos you are seeing too much than you really need.

Lola Gets said...

"Plucking her violin!"
LMAO!
THAT is hilarious! You have such colorful phrases!
L

Young Miss Williams said...

And I thought I had seen/heard it all, that shit's disgusting!

Take it easy now,

x mwah x

Acolyte said...

I used to use public transport quite a bit and at times I would see all kinds. But you did crack me up with 6. Never bring on Television sets, file cabinets, large fans or air conditioners. Trust me, I seen people bring all of these things on the bus.
I once sat down next to this stinky dude who was asleep on the train, I got the impression this dude was going to ride on the train all day and night.
I can't wait to get my own car so I can scratch my own nuts in peace!

Soldier said...

i had so much to say be4 i read the last one...
now im speechless... well dayum !
...
wow...

lol

Golden Silence said...

Hell no! And I thought I had seen some crazy things on public transportation...such as some woman who used a strand of her hair to floss her teeth (while the strand was still on her head) or the woman who proceeded to take off her shoe and pick at some growth on her foot...ugh.