Monday, November 20, 2006

One hand four fingers(lets talk about the number) Part 1


Warning: If you are a holly roller you may not like this post. Please come back on Thursday when there is a post more to your liking.

Ok, lets go. First read this . Please read the comments also.

Now if you read that post you know that the author was talking/asking the appropriate number of sexual partners for men vs. women. Well lo and behold if the hollyrollers did not come out in full force. They decided to "beat up" the blogger for simply discussing sex.
If case you don't know, the writer of that blog is a Nigerian female. As someone who is part Nigerian, I know that part of my blood very well. Even modern(western educated, exposed city women) Nigerian females seem to a have a big problem with a female saying anything about sex. Traditionally, women in Nigeria were not suppose to enjoy sex since it was seen as the domain of men. Take this line of thinking alone with the idea that out of control gossiping(and I do mean out of control) is normal, and you have the makings of a society in which modern exposed Nigerian women(many,not all) feel uncomfortable talking about sex even to their closet friends.
Maybe because I am part African-American and have lived in this country most of my life, I reject the archaic ideas that Nigerian society has concerning women and sex. I know that I am a tad bit(maybe very) different from most Nigerian girls my age in my outlook on sex. The funny thing is, many of those hollyroller chicks have had far more sexual partners than me (particularly oral).
My view
My opinion concerning the number of partners that a female should have is this, it is her body. Let her make her own decisions concerning how she lives her life. Some women are lucky in that they are able to enjoy sex(I wish I was in this category) in a way that most women can not/have not. For women who are this lucky/blessed they may find themselves racking up partners simply because they like to "sample" many different men. Other women have a large number of partners because they have low self-esteem and sleep with different men to feel better about themselves(so bad).
Some women are able to keep their number low because they get married while they are very young(18-20). Other women have a low number because they are a bit frigid/cold( I think this is me) and have not learned what works for their body. Some women who are frigid/ cold may develop a long list over time because they are trying to discover themselves sexually, and therefore have a few duds in the bucket before they find someone who can rock their world. There is still another group of women who are do get married until they are well into their 30's and have had many boyfriends so by the time they get married they have had a number of partners.
For many women it may take up until the 10th partner before they find someone who is talented in bed. Men on the other hand, like it all the time(99.5%). The woman could be butt ugly, but because she has a triangle between her legs some man is willing to sleep with her. It is only because most men live in cultures(around the world) were they are encouraged to be hos that they feel comfortable bragging about the number of women they slept with and therefore have no problem shouting a big number. Well, here in Baltimore many women don't agree with that line of reasoning and as a result many men here will hesitate to tell you their true number. They will say 4 when it is really like 44.
Yes I know many of the commenters mentioned STDs as the reason that having to many partners is dangerous but guess what, so is driving a car. Many women who have contracted HIV(particularly in Africa) have done so because their husband decided to visit the local prostitute(espy South African mine workers) or chasing after everything in a skirt( I truly believe that the average man has sleep with more people versus the average woman period, whether that man is American,Nigerian,French etc....). Did the woman sleep around no, yet she was still unfortunate enough to receive a death sentence from her husband.

ME
As much I consider myself open minded, I must say that in the back of my head I am always slightly worried about my number becoming to high. For some reason I want to hold on to my last finger. I guess because like every other female I have been socialized to see things a certain way. That is why in the past I would sleep with one my ex boyfriends, to avoid racking up new partners. Not good, since none of my ex boyfriends really put it on me the way I like it. Anyway, whenever I do sleep with number five I hope I choose a good one who can make my toes curl ,and you know I will blog about it .

10 comments:

tunde said...

Your post about getting more comments on sexual topics is responsible for people not leaving comments now, so i decided to take the plunge. Okay everyone, its okay to leave comments. Beauty won't bite.....

Anonymous said...

Were do you get these stats from/

Anonymous said...

Misery loves company. Siting broccolis blog is supposed to make you feel comfortable?...she stands alone..u stand alone..you are not counterparts in this here sex talk

Sleep with who ever u choose and talk about and or deny what u did or did not do based on comments no one really minds its ur body...Because naija gals are do not speak about sex as openely as anyone else does its not bad...its denial that is bad

Hamani said...

I thawt Carrie Bradshaw (hence, Sex in the City) made it comfortable for women to be sexual creatures. Okay if not, If we are still living in the ice ages - do your thang JUST - A. dont be known or labeled as the town/city hoe B. dont tell your girlfriends ALL your business - becuz some of them will be responsible for (A) - C. Doing "quality" research doesnt always have to involve another party - read a book (hence, Venus Butterfly) & learn to explore yourself

beautyinbaltimore said...

@Tunde- I see. What I said was yrue thought. I've noticed it(sex=more comments) at other blogs also.
Anonymous 9:07- From the pool of people I've been exposed to.
@anonymous9:24- I do not live for this blog. I write what I like. Go back into the archives and see what I wrote about the swinger and I. I got far more negative comments then.
@Humani- What happened, why did you stop blogging? My girlfriends know very little. I have a very hard time opening up to people.

Anonymous said...

wow go mama developing a thick skin eh? Love it..

LovelyMonAmi said...

Young blood, I'ma hip you to a few things.

1. You and only you are responsible for your sexual satisfaction. If you don't have an emotional connection with the man that you are dealing with, you are less likely to be satisfied. Choose better partners, bed-buddies etc....

2. The number of men that you have sex with is no one's business. Someone will always have a higher or a lower number (people always over or under estimate!). But are they really enjoying themselves? That is the better question.

3. How many sex partners is not the issue (in my eyes)the issue is not haw many men you've fuck... but how many men have you loved and has loved you back.

I-goTalk said...

Call me another 'holy roller' or whatever. There is one thing which is fundamental to having multiple sexual partners. Each time you have sex with someone, you leave a piece of you with that person and vice versa. A piece of your soul actually. You get back a piece of the other person's soul (spiritual baggage). After 'X' number of partners, you can categorically say you have left 'X' pieces of your soul in 'X' number of places and picked up 'X' pieces of baggage from 'X' number of people. If you believe that after a sexual act, you and your partner at the time become 'one' spiritually, then the final 'you' is a myriad of complex baggage. Small wonder we have many troubled people out there...

beautyinbaltimore said...

@anonymous- not hardly
@lovely and I-go-talk- Both of you made very important points. Thanks for the advice.

mola said...

The problem is not the #s, the problem is that most women lie to themselves on the #s too... that's what many guyz don't understand. Some women won't count the weak sex experiences, some will say 'I was drunk' so it does not count, some will deduct 5 undesirables guys they jumped off with....So its not really a #s thing, because if a woman does tell you how many dudes she has slept with, no matter how truthful you think she is, just multiply that # by 3....That's just the way it is....Some women will see a guy they have not seen in years and be like, 'Shit i've slept with this guy b4'... Men do thesame, but when we spit out the #s an we lie, we laugh inside knowing that we are full of SHIT....