Friday, August 25, 2006

You might be a Ghetto Girl if (aka the Negroes that Bill Cosby does not like).

Public transportation is a bit&* . Whenever I use it I find myself being exposed to all types of people. Unlike other cities that I've been to, public transportation in Baltimore allows you access to the worst in Baltimore on a much larger scale. A few of the bus lines(bus #8 is for example) in Baltimore are known for their lively entertainment shows of junkies doing to the sleep-walk-lean-stand dance, cell phone talkers airing all of their bushiness and wineno pornstars(no lie, I've see drunks masturbate on the bus two separate times).
This post however is dedicated to a special set of public transportation users, the Ghetto girls aka (1/2)the black folk that Bill Cosby keeps talking about. Sisters please stop being a source of embarrassment to your people. Carry yourself in a ladylike(a twist of feminism is okay)manner. With the behavior that many of you exhibit you have a hard time gaining respect from your own people, much less mainstream America.

1. Your idea of a good man is someone who has been to prison. If you come across a man who has not been to prison you accuse him of acting white(wtf). No queen, a man who has not been to prison is acting responsible.

2. You refuse to date a man with a 9-5. Only a drug dealer(aka street corner pharmacist)will due because you enjoy the excitement of possibly having your face blown off by a bullet which was intended for your drug dealer boyfriend.

3. You think that living in the hood and all of the atrocities that you find there are symbols of keeping it real. No Queen, many poor black inner city neighborhoods are war zones. Better yet they are areas in which African-Americans are waging a civil war amongst themselves. Any other group of people who experience this type of trauma call on the United Nations for help. Lost people like yourself, call on MTV so you can be given a chance to brag to the world how *cool* your people are(dumbass).

4. In the year 2006 you act as if you don't know that having sex without any type of birth control is like playing Russian roulette(spell). You will eventually find yourself knocked up.

5. You are a ghetto girl who is smart enough to know that you are not ready for any children(or anymore than you already have)but you use the wrong type of *birth control*. My dear, abortion is not a type of birth control. Having a shit load of abortions is not cute. I heard of someone having almost a dozen abortions, so yes this does happen.

6. Another bred of Ghetto Girls think its wrong to have an abortion under any circumstances. Yet these same girls will being a child into the world without a pot to piss in or a window to through it out of. They go on abuse their children because they didn't really want them to begin with.

7. Having a lot of children by different men is not cute. Why let so many different men ejaculate in your body so freely( wrap it up).

8. Screaming at your children in public at the top of your lungs does not qualify as a form of discipline.

9. Just because a man buys you one of the following does not mean he loves you: a cheese steak, a chicken box or a happy meal.

10. For those of you who are overweight, please don't wear clothes which are not meant for your body type. Half shirts are not meant for big gut(stomachs) women, cover that ish up. Those of you who have had babies, and you have that stamp across your stomach, cover up. No one wants to see those stretch marks(worms) across your stomach, ish looks like an atlas,so not cute. Further more, most men are turned off by a big stomach because it makes them think of pregnancy. You can be big and attractive if you dress appropriately.

11. Please stay of the walkie talkie(or whatever there called) cell phones in public. No one wants to hear how your baby father isn't shit or how little Day-Day ate you out last night.

12. You call Clearance Thomas a sellout, but can't understand how most of those jokers on MTV are sellouts too.

13. Whenever white folk are around you feel the need to act out. You must become the loudest, non manners having, venomous tongued woman in the vicinity.

14. You don't understand why it is important to speak standard English when you are not around your people. Let me explain why, because besides your people no one else can understand African-American English( also known as ebonics). For example, In the same way that the neighborhood convenience store owners speak Korean amongst themselves, they speak
English to you because they are well aware that can cannot speak or understand Korean.

15. Stop wearing bad weaves. It makes you look as if you are very insecure with the natural texture of your hair. Some of you wear hair that is so straight that when I look at you I'm confused, is she African-American or a dark skinned Indian(from India).

16. You are allergic to school. You never read books( I promise you won't break out in a rash if you do), not even the street lit, Zane or E.Lynn Haris which are the staples of the semi -literate Ghetto Girl's book collection .

17. You are currently working a low wage job(fast food, drug store)and are pregnant again wtf. How far can you stretch $6.15 per hour.You will really struggle to get out of poverty now.

18. At your public service low wage job you treat the customers poorly for no reason. Or you stand around and talk loudly about why you hate your job and when you are going to quit. One of the people you disrespect could be the person who will interview you for a job one day. Most importantly, its not their fault your life sucks.

19. You meet a man at 9:00 pm in the club and at 9:15 you are giving him a BJ in the corner of the club.

20. You have never traveled to the other side of the city much less outside of the city or even the country.

21. You house or apartment is soooo filthy dirty nasty(not messy) that the mice play hockey with the crumbs left on the floor. You have the nerve to invite people inside of this public health nightmare.

If you can answer yes to 7 of the above, you my dear are a ghetto girl. Please seek help immediately, your local library will be able to help you.


loveluvlove said...

Buhahaha!!! It is true to some extent!
*Post more*

Much Luv...

A woman on the move said...

Fuuny Post!!!

Raymond said...


Guess I'm acting White...

alissa said...

i agree with you on a lot of this stuff...

Amadeo said...

Damn...I'm about to ditch my car and be on MTA for the next few just reminded me what I have to look forward too. Ahh well.

TTD said...

LMAO at this list.. I used to catch the #8 to school.. i'm so glad i don't have to deal w/ that anymore! and boy if you aint describe most of these ghetto ass bitches from baltimore!!! lol

The Mistress said...

Oooh Girl, we needed this post. You let it all out! You did an excellent job detailing all the unattractive qualities that these bitches possess.

I'm happy to not be in this crowd!

LOL @ "You enjoy the excitement of possibly having your face blown off by a bullet which was intended for your drug dealer boyfriend."

And the whole masturbation on the bus thing is the sickest shit I've ever heard. I can't believe people do that! EWWWWWWWW!!!!

So...Wise...Sista said...

"16. You are allergic to school. You never read books( I promise you won't break out in a rash if you do), not even the street lit, Zane or E.Lynn Haris which are the staples of the semi -literate Ghetto Girl's book collection."


LA GIRLIE said...

wait, were you talking to any of my cousins for research for this post? I can name at least a half a dozen of them that can say yes to any of these questions..sigh..and I remember growing up being told "you talk so white", yet I'm the one with no kids, a college degree and my own manhattan apartment..go figure :)

Tired of being broke said...

Funny as hell.

beautyinbaltimore said...

@ mistress- These Chics are such an embarradement to black womanhood.
@ La Girlie- A think most blacks in this country have one Ghetto Girl in the family.
@ so wise- I can't stand a person who does not like to read.
@ Raymond- Keep doing the right thing sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Without ghetto girls, would we have anyone else to laugh at? Learn from? Not want to be like? Ghetto girls are the cautionary tales that all mothers should tell their daughters about. Regardless of race.

This post was funny as hell too!