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5 years ago
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Do black men hate black women?
I say hell yes. I am not the only one who feels this way. Please check out the latest post of one of my favorite bloogers www.lovelymonamirants.blogspot.com (please read). She breaks down the issue in such a way that you see this is a problem throughout the dispora. I will write a longer post later but for now give me your opinions after checking out her post.
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10 comments:
very big generalisation. hate is such a strong word. in some black cultures "intimidated" and "insecure" might be more appropriate tags, whilst in others “lethargic” and “forceful/overassertive” might come in more handy, but “hate”…nah. I’m a black man and I love my black women. Hey! My momas one, my sisters are too, my best friends are…and I’m gonna marry one…and you know what? I know shit load of black men who’re gonna do exactly the same as me. So to answer your question…I’m sorry, but I have to say no!
IM WITH YOU MOIGHTY DELOITY!
LOL
...and that "intimidated" and "insecure" works both ways in one of those cultures...
I would have to plead the fifth on this topic.....i can forsee some serious casting about to go down up in this joint....lol (Ladies and gentlemen make sure u have ur crash helmets on...lol)
Come on now - isolated incidents (common though they may be) do not form a definitive rule to live life by. If this were indeed the case, then the black race would be doomed to extinction. Black guys annoy me as much as the next gal, but I know they've got love for us. As Delot said, all the black guys I know want to be with black women. So I would say no. And that's saying a lot..
Yes, I said it, and my post was about more than just black men hating black women... it was also about the choices that some people choose to make.
the racial lines are constantly crossed. I have no issue with that, it is the reasoning behind it. If one truly loves someone of another race, cool. But when they hook up just because they want "pretty babies with good hair" or because they believe that women of other races are in some way better than black women.. just because of their skin color or hair texture....
THEN I have an issue.
I think you’ve got the reasons for why black men are dating white/Hispanic women all wrong.
For a while now, society as we’ve know it bas been changing, but the way kids are brought up hasn’t changed – the same old gender role assignments of centuries ago is still being applied in children’s upbringing. I’ve been brought up to feel like I should be the bread winner, but in today’s society where my potential mate could very easily earn as much as me, then I have to say my role as “the bread winner” has to be redefined.
The problems comes into place when men can’t understand the fact that the era of the subservient woman is long gone (why can’t she be the bread winner? – we’re not living in a world where we still hunt for survival) and this cant be seen more so than in black communities. Statistics show black women all over the world are the highest rising/achieving of both genders and all races in a potential vs. output/outcome ratio whilst black men are at the bottom of that list. I hasten to add that the ability not to be able to comprehend the metamorphosis of relationships isn’t strictly a black problem - if you look at trends and statistics worldwide, I think you'll find that divorce rates are at their highest and are growing exponentially – black men are just handling shit lazily.
I read some of your blog and you described some of the white/Hispanic women that the black men went for as…”unattractive” (much nicer put than you did). I think in those cases, black guys who are raised to think they’re breadwinners will undoubtedly question their roles and purpose in any relationship with a black woman who’s an achiever and will hence end up dating clingy/needy/insecure women (very few black women tend to fall in this category – just weren’t raised that way by their moma’s); it just so happens that some black men feel “more like men” with women who aren’t “strong”. This is not to say the white or Hispanic women who date black men aren’t strong in their own right – but black men just feel less intimidated by them. This is a very big generalisation that I’m making – but I’ve found this to be the case in a hell of a lot of scenarios which I’ve seen.
Now, I aint the voice of the worlds Blackman; but where some might see a potential disaster, I see a challenge. Instead of rolling over backwards and sulking cos the woman might earn more than me – I recon black men need to step up the game and be all they can be.
Furthermore, I add that what I’ve described below is just one of the worst case scenarios: the examples you sited included the blacks in Dominica and Puerto Rico – I recon there might be stigmas of prowess attached to dating women of lighter colour attached to that (might be an unfortunate resonance of slave mentality) – in which case what I’ve just sited above is null and void. But on the whole, I once again state that Black men don’t hate black women. Black men, just need to change our attitudes and redefine what we see as being manly entails.
Hmmm......
that can be a double-edge sword.
they actually dont in a way, as delot said it boils down to intimidation.
aihammed delot,
So the brothers are intimidated... adn as a result black women are made to suffer. This is more than unfortunate. And, i say that because black man ehave created the envoirnment that we currently live in. Becase so few black men actually handle their business and are willing to take on the role as bread winner sna participant parent, black women are forced to better educate themselves and in turn make the money and rear the children.
If black women did not take the wheel and begin to steer this ship, it would wonder aimlessly or simply sink. What black women have done in my opinion is basically a survival tactic. Some do it well and others are added to the problem (for example having children with bums only worsens the problem).
So all of this so called intimidation is based on a woman's desire to make do with what has been placed before her. If we have had to adjust and adapt to our surroundings, our men should be able to do the same.
lovelymonami,
what you wish for and what is obviously happening are clearly not one and the same thing. Black women have stepped up their game as a survival instinct, but the state of the world with black men being at the bottome of every food chain only goes to show that blackmen aint feeling the competition.
its a sad state of affairs and the finger should be pointed squarely at the blackmen who've moved on from striving to better themselves to accepting defeat (hence marrying/being with people who make them feel secure in their lowly status)
Dont confuse my explaining a situation to you assuming i'm backing black men up - nothing i've said actually justifies the reason why blackmen do what they do - i'm just starkly pointing out the mindset of alot of "brothers"
I realise I’m adding my two pence quite late in the game, but I only just discovered your provocative little blog today. I have often heard black women complain about the lack of eligible black men, or the supposed resentment of black men for black women. Personally, (from a strictly aesthetic point of view) I prefer black women. But for most of the time I’ve lived in the US and (most recently) in the UK, I have found white women to be more responsive (and black women to be more dismissive) of advances on my part. This is quite frustrating to me since, as I mentioned before, I actually prefer black women. I am single, ambitious, well-educated, childless (and my pic is attached to my profile, so you’re free assess my looks); apparently everything you could hope to find in a black man. And yet, I have comparatively little success attracting black women. A friend of mine (an ivy-league educated black male) who complains about the same thing, suggested that it is because we look ‘too refined’ (his words)—i.e, we’re not street enough. Sure, black women may SAY they want successful, educated black men…but that’s not what they REALLY want. What they REALLY want is a ‘thug’, because there is something ‘dangerous’ and ‘sexy’ about the thug. (What they don’t want is the ‘drama’ that often goes accompanies the thug, but that’s another story.) In brief, the guys who have their lives together and aren’t out womanising, are seen as soft (i.e., not keeping it real). Anyway, I wouldn’t mind getting your perspective on this issue. If there is really such a demand for ambitious black men who have their lives together, then why can’t two black Harvard graduates find a sista?
P.S.: Very fascinating blog btw.
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