Last Thursday the ex and I had a major blow up. Needless to say, I will no longer be sleeping with him. I have decided the hell with him and his disturbed ass. A few months ago he asked me to marry him, and recently he asked me again . I told him that I don't know him that well yet. I honestly don't think I could ever marry him. He suffers from low self-esteem and he is very insecure. We also had many disscussions about his disire to not use condoms. He told me that I wanted him to wear condoms because I wanted to keep some type of distance between us, and that I was with him only because it was convenient for me. I wanted to scream at him no dummy, I have you were condoms because when you are not with me I have no idea where you are or what you are doing. That said, I think he may have had a point about the relationship(if you can call it that) being convenient for me. The main reason reason I continued to sleep with him was because he was "the devil that I already new". It can be very diffcult to meet someone new and getting to the stage of the relationship where you feel comfortable sleeping with that person. Once you have sex with someone I feel as if you totally opened yourself up to that person(health wise and sometimes emotionally). Anyway, I've made a promise to myself to meet someone new and learn to truly enjoy sex for the sake of good sex.
I promise to write the last part of the best on Thursday.
4 months ago