Alexyss K. Tylor has a brother who also has a show on cable access television. Guess what, he is a little crazy too. He is a ghetto Genie/fortune teller. He says he can tell you when your check is coming,who your baby's father is(puck Maury), or which crack head broke into your apartment stole your furniture and ate all the food in your refrigerator.
I feel so bad for Kanye. I have never met Kanye or his mother but from what I have seen on TV and read, there was plenty of love between the two. The fact that she passed so close to the holidays makes her passing much sadder. I hope Kanye takes time to properly grieve, and not let the Hollywood machine push him out to work.
Sorry it took so long, I wrote this post some time in September or early October.
Please read Amedo's post on the different classes of black/African-Americans. His post will help you understand and get the humor of this post.
This is for shits and giggles yall.
1. You are a black woman with natural/naputral hair and you absolutely refuse to use a chemical hair straightener or flaming tool of torture(blowdryer,curlers, hot comb etc.) on your hair.
2. Whenever you see a sister with a head full of weave you simply shake your head and say under your breath "that's a lost sister right there".
3. Speaking of weaves, you don't find anything appealing about Beyonce although, you think the original Beyonce, Tina Turner is a legend.
4. You have free form locks(dread locks) and talk shit about those who wear sisterlocks or weaved in dread locks.
5. You love and will STAN for the following artists:Jill Scott,India Irie, Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu
6. You felt let down when you recently saw Jill Scott rocking a straight weave.
7. You will cut a bitch for tickets to a Erykah Badu show. Furthermore, Erykah Badu is to black Bohemians and hippies what the Grateful Dead is to older white hippies.
8. You know what Tofu is and you eat it on a regular basis.
9. You will never allow cow's milk to touch your lips again. Its soy, almond and/ or rice milk for you.
10. You don't shop at Whole Foods often because you see it as a heath food store for the masses, you are iffy on Tradder Joes. Instead you prefer small mom and pop type of health food stores.
11. You practice yoga and hate that its become so commercial, sort of what Starbucks did to coffee.
12. You practice Tantric sex and the Kalma sutra. Therefore you are able to turn men out worse than Miss Badu. Unlike, Shaneka who can turn men out because of her mean dick suc%king skills.
13.You don't see yourself as a freak, instead you see your sexuality as a extention of your spirituality.
14. You don't see yourself as religious, instead you call yourself spiritual.
15. Or if you are religious, you practice a traditional African religion such as Akan, Yoruba, Santeria or Eastern religion(Buddhism or Hinduism).
16. Unlike black folks who travel to the Caribbean when they have a few extra dollars or African-Americans who travel to Europe, you travel to Africa. More than likely you have been to Senegal, Ghana and South Africa. One day you may also travel to India.
17. You wear African clothers often and sport then harder than continental Africans.
18. You say you smoke weed for "spiritual" reasons. Mofo you like to get high, stop lying to your self.
19. You burn incense all day everyday. Even during the periods wear you are not "getting spiritual".
20. You smell like Patoucli or Frankincense and Mirth. If you don't smell like the before mentioned oils you definitely smell like some type of oil because you don't wear perfumes as you believe that they are harmful to the skin.
21. You prefer to use natural preservative free products on your skin. That means no mineral oil, lanolin or perbeans for you. You are pissed at Jada, Jay z and them for changing Carol's daughter.
22.You home school your child, or if they do attend a traditional school, its African based.
23. You are currently learning or are fluent in an African language. Most likely Wolof, Swahili or Yoruba. African-American/bougie folks learn French, Spanish, Japanese or Mandarin.
24. You can speak standard English when you are with one crowd and Ebonics when you with another. I think all black people should be able to do this.
25. You are very open to practicing or living in a lifestyle that is outside of the American norm (ex. polygamy).
26. You are super liberal politically. You believe that what adults do behind closed doors is their business, but you want rich people to pay more taxes. Somewhere on your list of changes you would like to see Americans one day have universal health care, limited work hours and mandatory 8 weeks vacation.
27. Although you are super liberal, you don't vote. In fact you refuse to participate in the voting process because you believe that elections are decided by the rich.
28. You got to poetry slams regularly in the same way that other people go to the movies.
29. You are a bohemian player but you go about it in a different way. Unlike the Ghetto boy who pull women with his car and pocket full of money(while living in his mamma's basement) or the African-American man who gets women with his tittle, degree or pedigree, you get women with the words Nubian sister, beautiful African Queen, African goddess etc... When you include those words in your poems, you know you are going to get some of that good stuff from oneof the head wrapped sisters in the audience tonight.
30. You know what the letters NOI stand for.
31. Your major in college is/was a liberal arts major, most notably Social Work, African History, African-American History, Phsicology or Sociology.
32. If you are not married to someone who is African-American, you are married to a white person who is more progressive in race relations than most people of color.
33. You know who Yukub is.
34. You know who the Five Percenters are and understand their system/belief of Divine mathematics.
35. You know where to get the best tasting bean pies in your city.
36. Unlike black folks who have pictures of Martin Luther King and former President Kennedy in their living rooms, you have 2 or 3 pictures or posters of the following people in your living room: Malcolm X, Ellijah Muhammad, Marcus Garvey, Dali Lama and or Gandhi.
37. Because of your healthy diet it is very unlikely that you are overweight or obese, and you have family members teasing you for eating rabbit food.
38. You shop at thrift shops, because you believe that going broke to support millionaire fashion designers is BS(I agree), and you think you shoping at thrift stores allow you to purchase clothing know one else has. No, most of the time you re getting shit that everyone has thrown away
I've read the statistics which state that 78% of all black women are overweight, but still.
So I was in the cafeteria with three classmates(two white and one who is 1/4 Asian and 3/4 white) this morning getting breakfast and while we where sitting at a table eating our plates of grease, a very thin striking dark skinned black woman passed us wearing a white suit. Two of my classmates make a statement about how thin(about size 0-2) the black woman was in the way that women do when they are admiring the body of another woman. One of the white classmates make a statement that she was especially thin for a black woman, and laughed afterwards. The second white classmate was struck dumb and just looked at her. the third classmate who is 1/4 Asian would not bring her head up to meet my eyes or idiots(or maybe she did not hear her). I do not hear overt comments like this very often so it really shocked the hell out of me.
Later on I asked the dumbfounded classmate about what the other classmate said just to make sure I wasn't imaging things. Well of course, she made up something else to cover idiot. I can't say I was hurt because I don't expect much from most people but I am angry that she would say that in front of me. Why not wait until she is in the company of an all white group to say those things.
Before my black people jump on me for that last sentence, let me explain. In an ideal world people would not be racist or make those type of course statements. We don't live in an ideal world, so at the very least I say that you have respect for me and keep those thoughts to your self.
Funny thing is, she is obese herself, so she has no room to talk.
She has always been very friendly towards me but today during clinicals she was especially so. I think her guilt was eating her up. Or maybe she is afraid that I will report her to our instructors.
I don't think she is a night rider for the klan, but I do think she has deep seated issues. I think she has a bit of that igorant-racism that most whites have and a little bit of malice based racism too.
I should mention that she told a Japanese man(yesterday) who was born in the US that he spoke excellent English. I quickly steped in to tell her he was American born. He was a bit irratated by her comment. From what I've read and heard this is a statement that American born Asains hear all of the time.
A very cute black chic who loves everything about fashion and beauty. I'm struggling through the ups and downs of being in my twenties. I am a recent graduate so I am doing everything on a really tight budget.That means no more Gucci or Louie Vuitton bags for now. I'll take a cat anyday over a dog.Travelling is my greatest love. I frequently discuss sex and how much I love a man with a average sized one. Mainly, this blog serves as a tool for me to get some things off my chest.