Monday, October 30, 2006

The Home Visit 2( Mr. Marcus -not)

Baba kekere has made himself a regular part of my life now. He comes to get me from work and has offered to take me to work on many occasions. I allow him to pick up from work but I refuse his offers to take me to work since I like to use that time to gather my thoughts and people watch.
Well, after Baba Kekere asked me on many occasions if he could see my apartment I decided that I would let him to see it. Of course he wanted to stay the night after I gave him a small tour. When I told him that I would prefer if he went home he then proceeded to tell me how tired he was and how he did not think he would make it home in one piece. I relented and allowed to him stay the night.
Wow, silly me, he proceeded to butter me up by telling me that he loves me a thousand times. I hope he does not think that I am stupid enough to fall for that shit. I think I have mentioned before how Naija men in Baltimore are famous for telling a woman soon after meeting, how much "they love them". African-American men DON'T do this( yes I know i am generalizing).This guy told me I love you so much that I wanted to tell him to shut his mouth before I stuff it with alligator pepper. Besides the I love you stuff, Small Daddy is hella hyper. I find it hard to believe that he is older than me. I know that he likes to take kola nut, but I would not be surprised if he has taken a hit off of a crack pipe. NO 30 YEAR OLD MAN SHOULD BE THAT DAM HYPER.
Anyway, after I agreed to allow him to stay he preceded to take off all of his clothes but his boxers and his tank top. He started to complain about his back hurting and asked me to apply a heat wrap to his back. Maaan when he pulled that shirt up I was assaulted again by his hairy chest. I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR KNOWN A MAN TO HAVE DO MUCH HAIR ON HIS CHEST. No lie oooh, it look he had stapled a carpet down to his chest(or maybe he is related to bigfoot). That ish looks worse than anything I could imagine. I had to tell small daddy that he could not take his shirt off until he shaved his chest.
So, after I applied the heat wrap to his back I turned on the TV so that I could watch a Nigerian movie. Within 20 minutes of starting the movie I feel something hard in the small of my back. I told Small Daddy that I refuse to play that game with him tonight. I told him that he would not be touching my oboo(pu#$y) before I allowed him to enter my apartment. He moved over for about 2 minutes and then he was on me once again. At this point I decided to remind him of his religion and how it is important that he adhere to its rule on sex before marriage. That worked for about a good 15 minutes, and once again I felt something in my back. At this point I guess Small Daddy was at his limit because he started to beg, YES BEG for a sample.
Having sex with him was out of the question. I had no desire to sleep with him at all. Men are so weird/weak when it comes to sex. I refuse to beg any man for sex. Small Daddy had no problem though, he said " I beg you, I will do anything, please".
His begging went on for about 15 minutes. He asked me to use my hand if I did not want to give him the real thing. I thought about it for a few minutes, and decided to use my hand.
So Small daddy finally pulled off his shorts-ONLY. You know I was not playing about that undershirt. Oh my goodness, what did I see when he pulled of his shorts, a micro penis. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, his thing was soooooo small. It was so small that when I went to j@#k him off it keep slipping out of my hand. Now if you can remember I think I mentioned that there is a two handed move that I have when j#$king a man off than can make him scream like a baby. Well, Small daddy was to tiny for me to even do that. Ladies take your hand and make it into a fist with your thumb facing upwards, now you have the length of small daddy's manhood.
I felt like someone had played a practical joke on me. How could a grown man have a penis so small. I mean his balls stuck out further than his di%k did(NO LIE). I guess he must have seen the disappointment of my face or maybe women in his past had insulted him because of his "micro peny", since he proceed to repeat many times that "it is small but I can work it". I got over my initial shock and proceeded to rock his world. All 31/2 inches of it. Small Daddy started to scream and twist and turn which did not help me at all because now I was losing my grip. Then it got so good for him that he wanted to sit up and watch me work my magic. When he sat up it was as if it was going to disappear because then I could only use two fingers to stimulate him. I had to push him back down flat in the bed so that I could finish. Finally, he reached his peak because he started to really twist and scream and he let out a hell of a load. He let off so much stuff that I'm sure he lost a pants size and ten pounds. It took him a few minutes to catch his breath because he was breathing so hard. I jumped up to wash my hands because I find that stuff nasty, which is why I don't think I can ever let a man sleep with me without a condom.
So after finishing with his small parts, I tried to finish the movie and go to sleep. Throughout the night while I tried to sleep but Small Daddy woke me up with either his snoring or his shouting in Yourba on his cell phone (in a dialect that I could not understand, I think it was ekite). Since I got no sleep during the night, when he left early in the morning all I could do was take a short nap before I had to go to work.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Beat them up Becky and her crew.

Sorry, I've never gone one week without posting. I've just been too lazy to post.

Anyway, I know I like to write about ghetto girls and boys. Well, I figured that its time that I did a little something for all the trailer park trash. Please observe Beat them up Becky and her crew. They are sporting the finest in trailer park attire(mullets and stretch paints two sizes two small). Please turn up the volume so you can get the full effect.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Home Visit

I finally let Small Daddy talk me into visiting his house. He told me he owns his home(a plus). When I walked in I must say it is a clean and tidy place for a bachelor's home. There were no dirty clothes on the floor or dishes piled high in the sink. I sat in the living room and proceeded to watch a Nigerian movie(my fav) and ate a very late dinner( I was so wrong for eating that cheese steak). Small daddy was trying to rush me(eating) so that I could go to sleep in the bedroom with him. I told him that I have to stay up a while so that I could digest the food(garbage) ,otherwise my stomach would give me problems throughout out the night.
Eventually Small Daddy grew tired of waiting for me because he went to sleep in his bedroom. I stayed up to watch the second part of the Nigerian movie. About midway through the movie I began to hear loud rumbling. I thought to myself"Oh God, hear we go again". You see, the Beast was a loud snorer too. The Beast snored so loud he could wake the dead. I never went into the bedroom. I decided to sleep on the couch because for one I was not giving up any couchie and two I did not want to have my ear drums to explode.
Small daddy's snoring was so bad that it woke me up a few times during the night, preventing me from getting a good sleep. At about 7am I went to wake him so that he could take me home. I had a few things I needed to do that day, and I also needed to sleep(peacefully). Overall, I must say that so far Small Daddy has been a gentleman.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

She rocked his world!

You know you got some good pu#sy when you can make a man behave like this on his wedding day. May I one day learn the tricks and positions that this woman knows. I would not be surprised if she is Superhead's sister.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

New Meat?

My new job has been taking its toll. I am so tired. I have little time to blog although I try to read as many of my favorite blogs as possible.

I met someone new. Another Nigerian(Yoruba) ,and he is a Baba kekere(small daddy). I don't know what is with me and short men lately. It seems as if that is all I am pulling to me. I think my little men have a serious case of Napoleon complex. This guy is another cab driver. That is another pattern for me, cab drivers. Maybe I should call a physic to figure out why I keep getting the interest of cab drivers. He is also in nursing school(nice money in the long run). He is not the best looking thing on the planet but he will do for now. Its not like I'm looking for a boyfriend. I am simply looking for someone to shoot the breeze with.
Small daddy can be a bit annoying though. He calls me like know mans business. If I don't answer the phone when he calls he may call me two or three more times until I answer. Most of the time I looking at the phone as it is ringing but, decide not answer it simply because I don't feel like talking. Small daddy says he is 30 but he is very young acting at times. Sometimes he can get so hyper, and it doesn't help matters that has the size of a teenage boy(before puberty).
He has been trying his hardest to get me to come over to his house to watch Nigerian movies with him. He came over last night and begged me to go over to his house or he said I should let him spend time with me in my apartment. He must think I am stupid as hell. I know what he was after, and the answer is no I did not let him come up to my apartment nor did I go to his house. He had the nerve to call me a little while later and start asking me about sex. He told me that he has never eaten pus^y. Now yall know if a man is not willing to lick me there is nothing that I can do anything with him. Once he said that I knew for sure small daddy won't get me anywhere alone. I refuse to be the first chic he goes downtown on. I heard nightmares from women who had men take the words "eating pu#%y" literally. I'm not trying to go to the emergency room with a chewed up coochie.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

David Beckham (Isn't he fine!)

I I've never tried vanilla, but this guy right here will make me sample something new. If he was not a soccer player he could most def been a top male model. He is simply gorgeous. Posh Spice should thank God everyday for blessing her with such a good looking husband.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Random thoughts 4

10. Paris Hilton admits she is dumb. I think most of us figured that out already.
9. Many women's clothing stores are now selling size 00. I thought Americans are getting bigger so why are they now cutting smaller sizes to sell.
8. Why do some black men become angry when they see a black woman holding hands with a white man, yet have no problem dating said white man's sister Becky.
7. Why do some women enjoy performing oral sex on men they have just met(one night stands).
6. Forrest Whitaker as Idi Amin, I so can't wait for this movie to come out.
5. I love the weather during this time of the year,not to warm and not to cold.
4. I am seriously considering letting my hair grow back natural.
3. Monique is the prettiest girl on this season's America's Next Topmodel, but girlfriend is seriously unhinged. There are a handful screws lose in that head of hers.
2. Why are some men intimidated by women who are as sexually confident as Samantha Jones(from Sex and The City).
1. I'm thinking of going to Amsterdam or London for Vacation. Which is better.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Better Luck Next Time.

Lil man texted me on Friday night. The lil idiot wrote "Today can we have cool sex tonight." Of course I texted him immediately to tell the Little idiot that I don't do sex on the first date(not even with the Swinger). I then sent him a second text telling him not to send me anymore x-rated text messages. I have not had a another text or phone call from him since.
It is very funny that he would want to have a one night stand with methis time around, when he claimed to be frightened when I asked him to come alone for our first date. Some men are crazy when it comes to pussy. They are willing to do anything for p@#$y, and take all types of risks to get it.
If Lila man was so scared than why was he not scared this time. I could of took him somewhere and robbed his dumb ass or had a few of my "yo boy" associates beat him down and rob him. It is not like homeboy has any size to him. He is built more like a hobbit than a man. He could of been the lone black person in Lord Of The Rings.
Please don't worry about me on the dating front because I'm not really looking for a serious boyfriend. I'm more in search of someone who can stimulate my mind and keep my company sometimes (and maybe give me my first vaginal orgasm).